Friday, August 3, 2007

Summer's Almost Over

My summer in Chicago is almost over, and I've been thinking about all the things I wanted to do this summer that I haven't gotten to do. Now that I'm sick, I doubt I will be able to do those things since this weekend is my last free one in Chicago. Interestingly enough, I have been to a job I don't really like every day, despite feeling like dying at least one of those days, but I can't get up and go somewhere that might be fun.

Many of the things I wanted to do this summer involved GLBT events and places. Every weekend, I always thought I had plenty of time left to do those things. As it turns out, 2 & 1/2 months really isn't a lot of time. Even so, time goes fast. I can still remember everything I went through during the last month or so of my last semester at school. On one hand, it feels so close. I still think about it, pretty much every day. I don't think I'm over it. On the other hand, it feels so far away, as if it happened so long ago. It hasn't totally registered that I have to go back to school.

Either way, this summer hasn't really gone as planned. I won't be coming away from it any closer to the GLBT community than I was before, and I won't be leaving with any GLBT friends or love interests. In fact, I've decided that I absolutely cannot deal with women in any sort of romantic capacity any time soon. But I won't leave with nothing. Even though I hated my job this summer, I've gotten a few things from it that have made it worth it.

I think I vaguely remember writing about one of the women I worked for this summer. I guess I kind of had a crush at the beginning of the summer. I probably still do. I can't imagine anything more than that, so that's not an issue. She's just a great person. Over the summer, I've probably had more real and interesting conversations with her than anyone else. And I think that talking to her and getting to know her confirmed a few things. One, we do click. Two, we click in a good-friends sort of way. Three, the more things someone has in common with me the more I lose interest in them, in the romantic sense. Four, the relationships you maintain in life should have nothing to do with surface identities, such as race, age or sexual orientation.

So, I did come to Chicago this summer and make a really good friend. She's older. She's white and Asian. And she's married--to a man. She's straight. Yes, another straight friend for me. But what matters is when I'm around her, I feel comfortable. It's easy to talk to each other. I get the same feeling about her as I get about my other best friends, which is why I wouldn't be surprised if she becomes another one of my best friends. It's like a safespace. It's weird, but whenever I meet people that I feel safe with and don't ever have to question what kind of person they are, what they want/expect from me or what their intentions towards me are, they're always heterosexual.

I don't know if I'm the only person who gets like this with people they meet, but it's one of the reasons why I have very few close friends. There are people I meet who I get really strong good vibes from...and then there's everyone else. Not that those others aren't good people. They're just not the people who have the potential to turn out to be your "TV friends," i.e. true friends...which I call "TV friends" because I never knew such kinds of friends existed in "real life" until sometime in the new millenium. This woman at work reminds me a lot of my best friend at law school, i.e. someone who will have my back whether I ask them to or not. And knowing how I am, most of the time I will not have asked for it.

I want to write more about her, but I'm going to wait until I'm finished with the job. In the meantime, here's what I'm really trying to say:

Maybe some things would be easier if I could find a gay friend to be to me what I have several straight friends who are to me. But I'm still lucky just to keep finding the right kind of people, regardless of sexual orientation or anything else that we let separate us from others on a regular basis. I don't have to have gay friends to have community, feel accepted or get a helping hand. People in your life don't always have to be "like" you. What's more, sometimes people can seem like they aren't like you on the outside and it turns out that you were practically separated at birth once you start talking. My best friends are all like this. We either have very little in common, or we look like we're not the same but really are eerily similar.

After spending the summer working with the people who hired me, I finally understand why I got the job. And this might be the secret to getting hired. After knowing these people, I would bet that they looked at my resume and saw significant pieces of themselves in me. If that's the trick, then it's weird...meaning that it would be weird for a job applicant to try to figure out a prospective employer like that. But it all goes back to how legal employers tend to say they're looking for "a good fit," which I always took as code for, "We're looking for a white male." Maybe it really is code...with law firms.

Anyway, I will probably regret staying up past 2am to write in my blog when I have to wake up at 7am to prepare for work. Oh, least it's Friday!