Monday, May 21, 2007

Queer Maxim Top 100

So, apparently us queer women are sooo different from everyone else, although I'm pretty sure that every...year millions of people check out Maxim's top 100 and take a wild guess about how much crack the people who came up with the list smoked while compiling it. Even though this is what I've done for the past couple years as a person who cares next to nothing about these pointless lists, not to mention the magazine itself, and only knows about it because the "news" has essentially become what are Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Angelina Jolie and the whole freaks-we-shouldn't-give-a-damn-about-but-somehow-do gang doing (hmmm, aren't we at war in Iraq? Whatever happened to that?)...I do have to say that this year's list must be the result of, like, a mix of a crack, marijuana, alcohol, heroin and painkillers fest. I don't even know who half of those women are...and I don't care what you think your justification is for putting Lindsay Lohan, someone who shouldn't even be on the list, as #1.

From CNN:

"There is no other star in the world (who) causes more of a stir in the public eye than Lindsay," said Maxim Editor in Chief Jimmy Jellinek in a statement. "Her every move is watched and reported on." I think you've got ole "Firecrotch" confused with Britney Spears, who also doesn't really belong on the list. Hey, at least they had sense enough to leave her and Paris off. But, really, Avril Lavigne? At #15?! Salma Hayek at 90?! And I totally get tired of Halle and Beyonce representing black women, but it makes no sense to put Rihanna as hot black girl du jour. And, perhaps, the biggest sign that a "hot" list is a joke--and by that, I don't just mean we shouldn't take the list seriously...I mean they seriously were trying to eff with our minds when they made it--is when they list one twin on it and not the other (the Olsen twins). And way to send a message to women out there, what, with naming someone who clearly has an eating disorder, drug addictions and all other kinds of nonsense going on in her life as #1.

So, the chicks at AfterEllen decided we needed to do our own thing. I said, I think these lists are pointless. I also find something offensive about them, but I can't really put my finger on it. I think somewhere on the post, someone might have made a comment about ranking/listing hot women being objectifying, which...yeah. But I also just hate popularity contests. When it comes to something like physical appearance, the most trite people tend to come up, which really bothers me. I also think we really get to see how sick our society is when we check these lists out and see what kind of women are on them. But I also just feel really bad for not only the other capable celebs who don't make the cut, but also I guess the, oh, 300 billion other women on earth who never will.

But I am always interested to see who gay women like. A lot of names seem to come up a lot. I'm pretty sure women like Sarah Shahi and Angelina Jolie will be near the top of the AE list...which, hooray for Shahi, barf at Jolie (I can't help it...I just think she's the hugest freak ever). Another name I saw a lot was Kate Walsh, which I thought was so cool because just seemingly out of nowhere I have started looking at her like, "Wow, she is so gorgeous! But I bet I'm the only person who thinks that since I never hear anything like that about her." And, of course, we have the rest of "The L Word" cast represented.

I made my contribution to the AE poll. I like commonplace hotties just as much as the next person sometimes, so they are on my list. But I also contributed the kind of women I appreciate, i.e. the hotties no one else talks about. The one consistent is I like feminine women.

So, here are some of my women:

Stacy Keibler ("Dancing With The Stars" Season 2, WWE, "What About Brian"--check her out on YouTube, especially the DWTS performances. She's essentially the reason I got hooked on/started watching that show.)

Sarah Shahi ("The L Word," best-looking chick ever to be on that show, in my opinion)

Portia de Rossi ("Nick Freno," "Arrested Development" or as I like to think of her...famous for being Ellen's girlfriend)

Kate Walsh ("Grey's Anatomy", just maybe my biggest white media crush right now...Portia was before)

Marcia Cross ("Melrose Place," "Desperate Housewives," has always been gorgeous but I have only recently begun to really appreciate it)

Tika Sumpter ("One Life To Live," "My Best Friend's Date," definitely my biggest black media crush)

Shandi Finnessy ("Dancing With The Stars" Season 4--yes, I watch that show way too much--Game Show Network hostess, former Miss USA. I find it kind of hilarious that she acts like such an airhead but is actually pretty intelligent, at least on paper)

Mischa Barton ("The OC," James Blunt video, and another one whose beauty it took a while to appreciate. Now that I do, I say she definitely kicks former co-star Rachel Bilson.)

Olivia Wilde ("The OC"--which I was so hooked to her storyline when she was on...she was the only "outside" character they ever brought on that I liked, and not because of the lesbian thing--"Skin," which was a good show)

Kristanna Loken ("The L Word" and I know some movies but, uh...I'm not a movie person, so...runner up for hottest chick ever on "The L Word")

Emily Procter ("CSI," another one I was surprised to see as many women name as they did)

Salma Hayek ("Ugly Betty" and, yeah, another one in movies I can't possibly name. My biggest Latina media crush...forget Jessica Alba and definitely J.No)

Mariska Hargitay ("Law & Order"? I hate all those damn forensic science/detective or whatever shows, but apparently they have good-looking women on them...)

Heidi Klum ("Project Runway," VS model...and apparently hot enough that even my hetero female friends want to get with her. Note to any hetero black men out there reading: this is how you pick a white woman! She's hot, you're ragly, i.e. Seal, not the other way around!)

Shakira (Pop/Latin singer. Now we get to the singers, even though her lyrics are a bit freakish and often seem to reveal some sort of inferiority complex when it comes to other women...and, incidentally, I think Shakira is hottest with dark hair)

Faith Hill (Country/pop singer, total package--beautiful, talented and nice! Un...precedented!)

Thandie Newton ("Crash," don't hear nearly enough about this one)

Ashley Judd (I only can name off the top of my head "Double Jeopardy" while I can name several of her mother and/or sister's songs, but she's the hottest of them all by far.)

Vanessa Williams ("Ugly Betty," "Soul Food" the movie, always gorgeous)

Mya (R&B/pop singer, used to have a crush on this one)