Saturday, May 5, 2007

What Now?

Parts I and II.

It seems that while I was moving away from school on Friday, the police called me. They didn't leave a message, and when I tried to call back I found out the number that shows up on my cell phone is just a caller ID phone number. I just realized that the officer who came to see me when LA Girl called the cops on me gave me his card, and I bet that has his phone number on it. I just have to dig out that card from...wherever I packed it. But before I realized that, I dropped him an e-mail letting him know I'm in the process of moving and will be available starting on Monday.

My question is, what the hell could this be about? I already gave him some information he asked me the last time we spoke on the phone. I'm wondering if LA Girl didn't call back to complain about me writing about her in my blog. I wouldn't be surprised, especially since it seems she mentioned the blog in her original phone call.

Either way, I am kind of freaked, and I am glad nobody in my family was around when my phone rang. I really don't want them to know about this, because I know they are just going to make this my fault. But I thought this was done, and I want it to be. I really want to forget I ever met LA Girl, even though I obviously won't forget the path she set me on, and I've been doing a pretty good job of not really thinking about her or the situation. Now I keep wondering why I got that call, why this isn't over. I didn't want to be dealing with this while I was staying with my parents.

I had my last visit with my friend the psychologist on Tuesday, and he stands firm on the idea that she's the one with the problem. It seems as if he thinks I shouldn't blame myself at all. I'm the kind of person who likes answers. I wanted to know what I'd done to her to make her stop answering my e-mails. And I'm a problem solver. I wanted to try to fix whatever happened between us, if anything, so that we could be friends. I didn't realize, because she wouldn't talk to me, that there was nothing I could do. If I had, I would have left it alone. This is one of the reasons why he blames her and not me. Because of everything that's happened, I still have these questions, but I can now put them to the back of my mind and no longer have this desire to fix things since I know they can't be fixed.

If she does happen to be upset that I write about her in my I said in another post, this is my blog and no one's name is mentioned here. I don't see how someone can ask me to not write about them in this space and enforce that. I would also be surprised if she read my blog at all. I also am hoping she didn't lie and say I tried to contact her, or that she didn't get some kind of cryptic communication and attribute it to me. I have been worried about this. If anything happens to her now that is weird or bad, she's going to blame me, and the police have this record that I have "harassed" her in the past. Man, I just never saw myself ever being in this kind of position.