Thursday, June 7, 2007

Femmes Are...?

Yet another one of those times I wish I knew how to just accept comments on certain posts.

Okay, not only from my personal dealings with them but also just observations, the thoughts that follow are really meant more for discussion and knowledge than to be stereotypes. It's one of those questions I have about some aspect of the "gay community," one of those questions to which I am seeking answers. I'll admit that my latest altercation with a femme (LA Girl) has left me with rather hard feelings towards those kinds of lesbians as a whole, to the point of not being interested in anything romantic with them anymore. It's also not just because of her, though (I'm not going to blanket all femmes just based on one), but all the femmes I've known, as well as mentioned. So, it's not like these questions completely come from an objective box. But, again, they really aren't meant to be stereotypes. I would love to know what other queer women think of femme lesbians.

So, here it is:

Femme lesbians are Shallow? Self-centered? Heartless? Cruel? Difficult? Frivolous? Misunderstood? Airheads? Game-players? Alienated? Whores? Lesbians Until Graduation? All of the above? None of the above? Leaving anything out?

Personally, the word that comes to mind all the time when I think about them, especially lately, is "ridiculous." And, honestly, it's not even just feminine lesbians or maybe even not all feminine lesbians, but any feminine woman who acts like choosing an outfit or getting her hair just right is as essential as figuring out how to end AIDS or world hunger.

I'm thinking/writing about this right now because I watched this show called "The Secret Lives of Women" about lipstick lesbians--I believe it was on WE, so if you want to see it, see if it will come on again on that channel. A lot of the above words came to mind while watching that show. And there was this one woman who mainly seemed fake as hell and like some sort of Hollywood-star Pam Anderson/Anna Nicole Smith wannabe, and I think her and/or one of the other "lipstick lesbians" talked about how they never get hit on, how hard it is for femme lesbians when they go to lesbian bars because people assume they aren't really lesbians--they are "lesbians until graduation" or "bisexual" or just straight.

Frankly, if I were hanging out at a lesbian bar and saw my idea of a femme lesbian--the same idea men have of femme lesbians (think of the kind of women men imagine in their threesome fantasies)--I would just assume she was a bitch. My snubbing would have nothing to do with my doubts about her being a lesbian, even though I definitely find myself thinking "she's not a lesbian" when I see those kinds of women, even when they've said they are. "She's lying." "She's using her." Something like that. But, nope, not the problem for me.

My problem is my theory that 99% of pretty women are bitches. My sense of femme lesbians--even though I've never really been that close to that many, so I could definitely have the wrong sense--is they think that, because they defy the lesbian stereotype and are not masculine-looking, they are something special. They are the "hot"-in-the-mainstream-sense lesbians, in their minds, and the world should revolve around them and everyone should fall to their feet and worship because they have "the best of both worlds." Only the hottest women should step to them--which, I haven't at all figured out what "hot" means to femme lesbians (it's not my idea of hot, though), raising another good reason why I would pretty much never approach a femme lesbian--and if a man steps to them, they will pull their balls off and make out with a woman in front of them just to shove their lesbian-ness and "can't touch this" in a man's face. And what really kills me is a lot of them act like everyone is supposed to be as shallow as a lot of them seem to be about clothes, hair and other aspects of physical appearance, but they wouldn't like it at all if all women were like that!

I realize my basic theory that pretty women tend to be bitches sounds stereotypical and pretty mean. I know. I've just always had this theory, and I can count more women who have "confirmed" it--straight and lesbian--than women who have defied it (actually, I can only think of one woman who has defied it, hence the 99%). So, if a woman is pretty to me, I would feel a variety of emotions about approaching her, none of them good. I would feel nervous, judgmental, inferior. Add to that the perceived femme lesbian mentality of "I'm femme; therefore, I'm the shit." I would just expect to get completely annihilated by a femme lesbian in front of the whole bar, especially if she's a pretty femme lesbian.

And don't even talk about the possibility of a woman being pretty, nice and intelligent. I hate to sound like a man, but...I mean, that would just be a miracle. I, myself, am only intelligent. But men think women can't be pretty and intelligent. I think they can, but their being both will only swell their heads and make them even more bitchy, is my theory. It's like, "I'm pretty and intelligent, so I really can get away with treating people like shit!"

Okay, so I know this all sounds really bad. And, like I said, I really am just in a bad place when it comes to women. I have actually thought about just giving up and focusing on men. And then I remember that all men cheat, and then it's like...okay, back to being single forever...

By the way, I wish to add that just because I refer to femme lesbians as pretty doesn't mean other lesbians can't be good-looking. I just tend to attach different words that indicate good looks to other lesbians, such as "hot" or "cute" (which, "cute" can also be applied to some femme lesbians...and, certainly, not all femme lesbians are pretty).