Now I'm Convinced...

...I made a mistake. Last summer was nothing. It was easy. I did nothing law-related, really, and I liked it. Came into work on time (but still too early for me), left work early.

This summer is real. I knew that going in. For some reason, though, I just didn't get how monotonous working in the legal profession can be. I'd kinda heard it would be--vaguely remember it. But, dude...my job is boring...as...HELL. The only things that would make it worse are not liking the people I work with at all and the boring shit I have to do not being related to something that kind of interests me. All I do is research/read all day (which...I like to read, but...not all day every day). And whenever I actually get done with this research, I'm going to be writing about it. Then back to more research. And, for some reason, this is necessary for, like, seven hours a day, five days a week?

I would love to save the world, but I think I need to come up with a more non-traditional way to do it...because if this is how I'm supposed to spend almost every day for the rest of my life, I really can't handle it. Not that I had planned to practice law all that long anyway, just long enough for me to explain to my parents why I spent three years and tons of money in law school and then ditched law.

You know something else I've never realized before is how much time having a 9-5 job really takes out of your day. I totally feel like I am wasting life, especially with it being summer time and especially with my being in such a cool city. You finally get home from working all day, and a few hours later it's bed time because you have to get up so damn early to go right back to work. What the hell kind of way is that to live? I seriously can't imagine being this way for years and years and years.

I was at work, thinking, "Wow, you are just lazy." And then I was like, "No, this is just your continued path of an ADD-like existence." I think some people are just not meant for sit-behind-the-desk-all-day-staring-at-a-computer kind of jobs...and, apparently, I'm one of them. I thought I was cut out for such mundane tasks, and I probably was two or so years ago. But I've changed a lot since starting law school. Before, I had my own business and did work when I wanted to. Never had to get up early, pretty much never had to leave the house to do my work. I realized quite a while ago that one of the things I don't like about law school (or any school, but especially law school since I find the material less than fascinating) is it's too structured for me, and I can see that most jobs out there would be the same way.

I've really got to hand it to my parents now--I just don't see how they have done this for so long (getting up early, doing the same thing every day and, in my mother's case, going to a job that she doesn't really like daily). Now I understand why they come home and don't want to do anything else but watch TV, then go to bed. What scares me about the kind of work I'm going into, which differs from a lot of other people's jobs, is this stuff that bores the hell out of me puts a really important element of various people's lives in my hands.

I've accepted that I'm good at many things, but law school is not one of them. So I've accepted that the majority of the people around me during the school year are way ahead of me, enjoying themselves a lot more, etc. It turns out that was good practice for this summer. See, I had found out a couple weeks ago that the other law student I'm working with this summer attends a higher-ranked law school than I do. Immediately, I totally called what this summer was going to be like, and if you knew anything about law schools and knew what school she attended you'd understand why I immediately was thinking this person would be seriously anal, totally on top of everything and just all-around wipe the floor with me this summer.

The bad thing about having just a few interns for the summer is it just cannot do anything other than become a competition, even if not between the two of us--which it's not because I knew what to expect from this person and that I couldn't stand up to that, and I honestly just don't care enough to go above and beyond what it is that I actually have to do. But this kid goes above and beyond--comes early, stays late, takes tons of notes. I realize she also is working with lawyers at our job who have more work to give and more things going on, but I know she'd do a better job than I would regardless. My law school is for intelligent kids who really don't give a f*ck. We're laidback...well, maybe half of us or so are. Her law school is for intelligent kids who...well, are just about every stereotype the average person has of really intelligent kids. They're the kind of people whom, whenever they do something, they give it all they've got. A lot of us at my school aren't; we just find the laziest way to get similar--but definitely not as good--quality of results.

So, you see why I knew there was no need in even trying to compete with her. I just think the lawyers there will notice/compare our performances. To me, they could have looked at the schools we attend and have guessed it. I am not really commenting on what attending a better school makes a person, i.e. smarter, a better employee, etc. I'm commenting on some correlations between personality type and school. Now, my law school really is almost just as reputable as this person's, but I think every legal employer would have a different image of what a student from my school would be like and what a student from this kid's school would be like. We're thought of as more well-rounded, I think. And because of that, there ain't no way in hell I'm sitting at work a minute longer than I'm required to, because I gots things to do! It might score the other person some more points, but it's just not worth it to me. I need my free time, which is why I'm about to wrap up this post.

Obviously, I'm in Chicago now (or obvious for those who have been reading and knew I was coming). I somehow managed to pick an apartment that is close to a "gay" area of Chicago. I saw so many gays this weekend (I could just tell, even when they weren't holding hands), and I found out there's at least one gay bar nearby. From what I've read, it doesn't seem very gay bar-ish, or at least not my idea of a gay bar. It just seems like a cool place to go out and eat, i.e. more like a gay restaurant. Needless to say, I'd still feel more comfortable going if I had someone to go with. There are people everywhere here...no clue how to meet any of them.

But I did get hit on this weekend. By a guy. Why's it always guys who can barely speak English hitting on me? I wasn't interested, but it was kind of cool because it has been a long time since I've been hit on. But another cool thing about my neighborhood is it's diverse in every way, and that seems to be okay. It's not like it's diverse but people are clutching purses, throwing up for-sale signs, looking at you suspiciously, etc. It's allegedly also one of the safest neighborhoods in the city. This is where I need to live if I move out here, although I will have to sit through more comments like those made by my brother-in-law this past weekend about how "fruity boys" live out here and his talking about two men adopting a child or being in a real relationship like those are just made-up ideas people with too much time on their hands come up with rather than things some people could truly conceivably want.