Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Gay Parenting Harmful To Kids?

On the surface, yes. Ultimately, no.

I used to have the same worries about interracial relationships that result in children as I used to have about gay parenting, and that's that it would "hurt the children." Sure, I'm biracial...but, as always, my experience growing up differed from that of many other black biracial children. I never had a problem with other kids based on my parents and their racial differences. Kids would see my father, ask me if he was white, I'd answer affirmatively and life would go on. I didn't learn until later on in life that a lot of biracial black kids were harassed growing up.

I remember this one episode of "The Montel Williams Show," which is interesting because I almost never watch that show. This was years ago. There was a mixed black Latina who didn't "look Latina" at all talking about how Latinos won't accept her. There was a mixed black/white woman who looks like the epitome of whiteness relaying stories about telling guys she was part-black and their no longer being interested in dating her. I vaguely remember others talking about being harassed in their neighborhoods and chased home from school.

I've written a bit about not fitting in with black people, but I have never felt like that has had anything to do with being mixed. That's because it didn't. And it's for the same reason why the children of gay couples wouldn't be particularly disadvantaged as the kids of gays.

The reason are assholes. Teens are bigger assholes. And adults are the biggest assholes.

You know what? There's not a person in this world who doesn't feel alienated in some way. That's because human nature is to alienate people who are different. It doesn't matter what the reason is. It doesn't matter about age. In some sense, people never grow up. We never just accept everybody. From the kid of a gay couple to being part of a gay couple, you have a problem. And if that wasn't your problem, something else was going to be it because other people were going to find something else wrong with you and zero in on that.

It's like I commented on the blog post linked to at the beginning of this entry: black people will always find some way to alienate other black people, regardless of their racial makeup. But black people aren't alone. I write about gays all the time--how they alienate those who aren't out, how white gays alienate black gays and even pointed out a situation in which a group of gays alienated straight people. The funniest thing we fail to realize is that those in the "minority" groups alienate those in the majority groups right back. I feel attacked by other black women often, for example, for having straight hair and being light skinned, even if they are not direct attacks. And I talk crap about white men all the time. My point is not to lecture people about this, but to demonstrate how nobody is immune from teasing and criticism.

Most kids get teased and/or bullied in some sense at some point. This has gone on forever. This is not limited to being biracial or a gay couple's kid. More and more kids grow up without both a male and a female in their households. This is not limited to being biracial or a gay couple's kid. So where is the difference between gay parents and other parents? What is the difference between a gay couple's kid and other people's kids?

And it's like I said anyway--the worst torture you'll probably experience in life will be at the hands of some adult, be it some jerk cheating on you, physically abusing you, making your life miserable at work, trying to wreck your relationship, etc. If ever taking a gun somewhere to shoot up everybody there was justified, where would you choose--school at age 14 or work at age 35? I think most of us, when we think back on things we went through in school--even though they stay with us and shape who we are--think a lot of that stuff was trivial and/or character-building. I think a lot of us look back on those times and think, "Life was so much easier back then." I certainly do. I mean, no responsibilities and a clique of bitches making my life "miserable" vs tons of responsibilities and a clique of bitches making my life miserable? And you wonder why I'm still in school.

(By the way, with the Imus situation, there's been all this talk about, for example, black women using words such as "bitch" against each other and black men getting away with calling us "bitches" and "hos." Okay--I call everybody "bitches" and "hos", even men--for "ho," especially men. And, for sure, in a legal setting, there will be a pasty white male clique of bitches making my life miserable. Just thought you should know!)

A gay couple's kid will be no different. Or maybe a gay couple's kid will come out better off, because that person will learn acceptance for at least one minority group of people at an early age and will possibly glimpse what it is that a group he/she doesn't belong to experiences in life (assuming the kid doesn't happen to be gay, as well). But the kid will look back at everything that happened as typical growing up stuff, because that's all it would be...unless the kid happens to be one of those brats who shoots up everybody at school over it. But you can't blame that on a homosexual couple, as all the kids who've done this so far have had heterosexual parents.

People always want stuff they can't have. So, there are a lot of gays out there who would like to have kids or adopt. Furthermore, there are a lot of kids out there who need parents. Being raised by a gay couple and the harm it could cause the kid is an excuse that just doesn't work for why gay couples shouldn't be able to raise children.